Do you know me?

Do you know who I am? I don't. At least not right now. I feel like everything/everyone I know is gone or in a different place and I'm so far away from all of it. I feel uninspired and unmoved. I want to do something...I want to be someone...I want to make things happen...and I can't. I feel powerless right now.

I live in a world of endless youth and frivolity and they can sense I'm not one of them. They're not happy either, but they're not as jaded as I am and can still pretend, with relative ease, that they are. I watch them day to day, slaves to masters that they don't even know exist. They are sheep led by unseen shepherds. Am I any different though? Aren't I just led by a different shepherd? A corporate, socks with sandals, 401K shepherd...

(Skype break...)

Sorry for being an Emo pussy...

So, this has taking me over an hour to write. The reason is that after that last paragraph I had a much needed talk with a really great friend. And while I still don't know exactly what I'm supposed to do, I'm a lot closer to knowing what I'm going to do. I also feel better about that decision. There are a few things that need to happen first, but if they do, big changes are coming.

Stay tuned....

The ever elusive 'r'

"Why don't we just figure out where we're going and when we want to get there...and then rate of speed equals distance over time...solve for 'r'. "

At this point I'd settle for the destination...worry about how long it'll take later

Lust A Prima Vista

So, everytime I listen to The Spill Canvas' One Fell Swoop, every song speaks to me, and most on a pretty deep level. The song writing on this and really all of their albums is so honest and emotional it's hard not to belt out every song along with Nick's brilliance. The album starts with this little tour de force and it hits especially hard, at least in my heart, so I thought I'd share.

"In one fell swoop it became clear to me,
that I despise you entirely,
but the good news is I'm gonna keep you around
And so your lust is just convenient now

Crack open a bottle of red
Let's toast to this here bed
Offer up your hand
My one night, two month, three year stand

And all at once it became clear to me,
that you're allergic to honesty
And you don't even have a friend around
And so my lust is just convenient now

Crack open a bottle of red
Let's toast to this here bed
Offer up your hand
My one night, two month, three year stand

I'm on my knees,
but so are you
Unfortunately for the wrong reasons
I keep incessantly believing that you're pure,
but you know it's not true

There's nothing wrong with being lonely

Crack open a bottle of red
Let's toast to this here bed
Offer up your hand
My one night, two month, three year stand

Crack open a bottle of red
Let's toast to this here bed
Offer up your hand
My one night, two month, three year stand"

music

Music is whatever you make it. If it's life, it's life. If it's love, it's love. If it's pain, it's pain. You can make it anything you want...just make it.

The Stranger

Came ridin’ into town with a couple of six shooters on his hip
Cold black stare as dark as night, long black duster blowin’ in the wind
Saloon doors went swingin’ as he kicked them in
Ponied up to the bar ordered himself a gin
The towns people had hoped they’d never see him again
‘cause they remember the last time they saw…
The Stranger

He finished his drink, finished his smoke, turned his eyes to the man on the keys
Ol’ Smitty stopped playin’ and just starting sayin’ Hail Marys down on his knees
Everyone hit the floor as the melody turned to shrieks
Before they knew it blood was the only thing wetting their beaks
Smitty lay under his piano crying crimson down his cheeks
They knew he wouldn’t be the last one snuffed by….
The Stranger

Headed down to the cat house, rented a room with a window facing to the street
Had a nice long soak, washed the blood from his clothes, took a load off his feet
He made his way back through the halls, wearing nothing but his boots
No one was safe, be they patron or whore, he stopped at every room
The Madam’s bright eyes, flashed little surprise, as she welcomed her impending doom
She was the only one who was ready for…
The Stranger

The final destination on his journey was also the most worthy as he hunted down Sheriff Sledge
Sauntered down to the jail house, game of cat and mouse, Deputy Douglas is now pieces ‘neath the hedge
Cuffed the sheriff to the cell door, he hung like Jesus on an iron grill
He started praying just like Smitty did, hoping for mercy from the one born to kill
The Stranger grinned, split Sledge stern to stem, one moment the sheriff was still
No one was left to bid the next town warning, I am….
The Stranger

the everlasting truth of Swingers

"And she's a sweet girl, and I love her to pieces, but fuck her, man. You gotta get on with your life. You gotta let go of the past."

War, Inc.

"Michael Bay can blow me."
"He can...and he should."